Day Five

...And a first:

The first one hour sitting in half-lotus posture, small movements of head, hands and toes occurred.

It does strike me though that meditating like this can become something of an ascetic practice and when the discomfort of posture becomes a battle then it's as if the meditation itself is side-lined. I don;t think it is side-lined however so much as the struggle becomes the meditative experience.

I found today, as I have found at other times, that the battle can become all consuming, almost like a purging of one's soul. It's very hard to describe. But it's almost as if my entire being became wholly focussed with the pain and no-pain states. After all as one of the keys I mentioned before is to treat both states with the same outlook; neither having prejudice towards unpleasant sensation nor preference towards that which is pleasant. In this way we become more balanced in outlook I believe; we can become more present and less prone to negative emotions arising and taking control. in general 'nicer people'

Of course treating the whole experience equanimously I am bound to say that I was neither pleased at my 1 hour half-lotus maintained sitting, nor disappointed that a lot of the time seemed taken up with "struggle".

Being only human I have to say that I was quite chuffed I managed an hour in a half-lotus posture yet am also having an internal debate about the benefit of ascetic practice and wondering if going and flagellating myself in the river might not also be another practice worth doing!! (Maybe when it's warmer)